At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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