If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
