Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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