If i come over, it means nothing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
