Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
