he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
