Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
