Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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