So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
