Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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