put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
