We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
