It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just invented taco cereal.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
