Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
