ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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