I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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