So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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