Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
