I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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