why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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