I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
