Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
