She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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