He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize