You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
