Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
