True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
