i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
