I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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