and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
