You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize