Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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