when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
