I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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