The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
