Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
