i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize