if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i believe in u and ur pee
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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