Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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