Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
