i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
