so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
time to smoke my breakfast
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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