I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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