My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
