Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
