Umm I'm too high to move.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize