Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
