Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
