In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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