I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
