Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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