There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize