I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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