he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
