Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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