So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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