the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
