We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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