I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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