non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
