I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
