her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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