there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
