i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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