YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
