she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
