I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
