I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
