but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
