her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize